Sartre said: “Anything, anything would be better than this agony of mind, this creeping pain that gnaws and fumbles and caresses one and never hurts quite enough.”
I believe this quote encapsulates the essence of existential angst and the human experience of grappling with inner turmoil and suffering. I did not understand what he had to say until very recently, when, during my quiet hours, often spent in a park observing the flow of water, it hit me hard! Sartre was deeply influenced by the intellectual and cultural climate of his time. Yes, perhaps it has nothing to do with the conditioning I have had since my childhood or even now. For nearly the past 18 years, I was only concerned about survival, making ends meet, and helping my parents run the farm while also studying. But the question of the meaning of life always bothered me. Not whether life has some meaning, but whether there ought to be any.
I’m putting the words on paper (metaphorically) because I feel that in the dimly lit corners of our minds, where thoughts linger and doubts fester, there lies a profound agony—a gnawing, creeping pain that never quite hurts enough to be easily defined. It only surfaces in your weakest hour and creeps back as soon as you regain strength, passion, and desire. The following write-up is based on some of the notes I took while navigating the labyrinth of existential thought.
Think about life as a never-ending play where you are both the lead actor and the director. At times, it feels like a cosmic joke, and you’re not entirely sure whether you’re in on it or the unwitting punchline. This is the existential paradox—the nagging feeling that life might be a grand improvisation, and you’re an actor on a stage without a script.
From the very moment we’re born, our existence is a tumultuous journey. Picture a newborn wailing and demanding attention. It’s a raw, primal cry for validation, a symbol of our inherent desire to make our presence felt in this vast world. It perfectly fits with an analogy that I overused in many discussions. Think of a smartphone. The moment you turn it on, the first thing it asks for is your identity and connection to the internet. The moment it is connected to the internet, it will continue to send a ping up and receive a validation down, irrespective of whether or not you were using the internet. So, in some ways, the internet is like the baby (only in a raw sense) who wants validation.
As we grow (in time, but in mind?), we don’t outgrow that sense of existential unease; it probably only transforms into seeking alternate forms of validation. We grapple with questions that don’t have easy answers. Why are we here? What’s the purpose of it all? It’s like trying to navigate a labyrinth with no map, where every twist and turn seems to lead us deeper into the enigma of existence. Again, if you’re not bothered by these questions, please don’t continue reading this portion of the blog because there is nothing like stirring up a storm when there is scope for none.
On a parting note, I’ll, leave you with this thought. As you contemplate the abyss of existence, what choices will you make? What meaning will you create?
Until later…👋